©Teresa Kogut, all rights reserved
Whimsy 365: Day 17
Today is a very difficult day. It’s my Dad’s birthday. He would have been 78. He passed away from cancer December 18, 2014.
A year ago today, we celebrated Dad’s last birthday at his home. My Dad sat up in his hospital bed opening cards as we all sat with him in the living room. He opened my Mom’s card and she had written “wishing you a happy birthday and many more”. His eyes filled with tears and he looked at her and said, “I hope so”.
The grief is still so fresh. His absence in our lives has been overwhelming. Not a day goes by I don’t see his face and I say out loud, “I love and miss you, Dad”.
I suppose today’s sketch may have been more appropriate to have been a drawing of a father and daughter but I’m not very good at drawing men. Also, my Mom and I, even though we’ve always been close, we are even closer now. We lean on each other more now with Dad gone.
Through my Dad’s illness and after his passing, I’ve tried to be strong for my Mom. At first I didn’t cry too often around her because when I’d cry, she’d cry and I knew she cried enough on her own. However, one day a few months after Dad was gone, I shared a memory of him and the tears just flowed. Mom hugged me and said, “I thought I was the only one that still cried over your Dad”. That was an eye opener for me. By trying to be strong and hiding my tears from her, she thought I was over it and life just moved on and everything was back to normal…which is not the case. I didn’t realize by trying to protect her, I was making it harder on her.
So now, we share stories of Dad and just let the tears fall. It’s good. It’s healing. It’s ok.
Blessings,
Teresa
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
So beautiful and so very true~ tears shared. I lost my dad to cancer one week before my 13th birthday. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, especially when I’m in my gardens. So very thankful for the memories I carry in my heart~ even more grateful for our beautiful children that seem to each have a tender piece of him… I know you see your dad in your children. Your sketches are dear and from your heart. The most treasured art~
Thank you, Michelle. You have such a sweet heart. I wish we lived closer so I could give you a hug! I do see my Dad in our boys….especially Ryan. My Dad was a quiet, thoughtful and patient man and Ryan has those traits. Yes, great memories and so thankful to been close with my Dad in order to have such a library of loving and fun-filled memories.
Blessings,
Teresa
Mighty hugs, Dear Friend <3