©Teresa Kogut, all rights reserved

Whimsy 365: Day 17

Today is a very difficult day. It’s my Dad’s birthday. He would have been 78. He passed away from cancer December 18, 2014.

A year ago today, we celebrated Dad’s last birthday at his home. My Dad sat up in his hospital bed opening cards as we all sat with him in the living room. He opened my Mom’s card and she had written “wishing you a happy birthday and many more”. His eyes filled with tears and he looked at her and said, “I hope so”.

The grief is still so fresh. His absence in our lives has been overwhelming. Not a day goes by I don’t see his face and I say out loud, “I love and miss you, Dad”.

I suppose today’s sketch may have been more appropriate to have been a drawing of a father and daughter but I’m not very good at drawing men. Also, my Mom and I, even though we’ve always been close, we are even closer now. We lean on each other more now with Dad gone.

Through my Dad’s illness and after his passing, I’ve tried to be strong for my Mom. At first I didn’t cry too often around her because when I’d cry, she’d cry and I knew she cried enough on her own. However, one day a few months after Dad was gone, I shared a memory of him and the tears just flowed. Mom hugged me and said, “I thought I was the only one that still cried over your Dad”. That was an eye opener for me. By trying to be strong and hiding my tears from her, she thought I was over it and life just moved on and everything was back to normal…which is not the case. I didn’t realize by trying to protect her, I was making it harder on her.

So now, we share stories of Dad and just let the tears fall. It’s good. It’s healing. It’s ok.

Blessings,

Teresa

Tagged as: whimsy365